In an apocalyptic turn of events, as if a sign from God the abomination that was about to take place, the U.S. Capitol is in shambles.
Just after 11:37AM on January 20, as the peaceful transition of power was getting under way on the steps of the U.S. Capitol in Washington DC, a violent earthquake broke out while multiple lightning strikes struck the building, injuring hundreds and ceasing the event, this afternoon. Onlookers said that they could see in the distance, the return of a ghost of Bill Murray, who mysteriously died two days ago.
“I had to come back to stop what was about to happen,” Murray told the Times. “In heaven, I could see the future, and I saw what atrocities were going to happen. God himself even told me that it was a mistake to let it happen, and gave me special permission to come back just to stop this.”
Murray was referring to the release of the new movie, “XXX3: The Return of Xander Cage” which was set to debut on January 20, despite being terrible. All remaining copies of the movie are being destroyed, now that word has come from the ghost of a movie star from Ghostbusters came back to stop a movie. No other sequels for this franchise are expected to be released.
In other news, the person who won the electoral college still became President of the United States, because that’s how this country works.