Years ago, the ransom to kill cancer was set at $5.83 Trillion.  Since the agreement, several causes and charities have raised nearly 80% of that total, but now Cancer says they want more money.

When you give money to Cancer, it goes in to a tropical bank fund in the Bahamas, owned by Cancer, who also owns an entire band around the Earth at 23.43708°N.  Donations are usually tax-deductible, and had been accumulating large amounts of interest to pay the ransom amount agreed in 1943 between Cancer, and Doctors fighting to kill the disease.

“We didn’t account for inflation,” Cancer says.  “That was 1940s money, so it’s worth well over $30 Trillion by now if they want us gone.”

Doctors fighting against Cancer have hired lawyers to take this to the Supreme Court, if necessary.  “We had a deal,” Doctors said.  “We raise money for Cancer, and it goes away when it gets its money.  Now it wants to renege.”

In the meantime, since we don’t expect $26 Trillion any time soon, millions will be plagued with Cancer, the fifth-largest killer in the world.

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